Abandon ship!

I live in Florida (near a lake), so cockroaches are just a part of life. We clean up and put out the usual bug deterrents, but there’s no way to eliminate every single one.

Yep, I’m about to tell a bug story.
This morning, while I was getting ready for the day, I saw something brown scuttle across my bathroom wall. From the corner of my eye, it actually looked like a scorpion. I’m not an expert on scorpions, but I’m also fairly certain that I don’t want them in my house. So I jumped back, alarmed, and found with relief that it was just a roach.
Let me clarify: I don’t like roaches, either. Scorpions are just a bit scarier.
Only this roach looked… wrong. Deformed or sick, maybe. Something was hanging off of its back end.
Imagine for a moment the kind of horror that rushed through my mind as I tried to figure out what terrible, radioactive chemicals were leaking into my house and actually causing the insects to develop frightening growths. I stood there in fear and disgust, my jaw hanging open and my skin crawling.
It got away from me before I could react. That thing is still loose in the house, even as I type.
Later, of course, I realized what I had seen. This was no nuclear bug. It was a roach with an ootheca — an egg sack.
Aw, the miracle of life.  *shudders*
The way I see it, roaches (and a number of other insects and arachnids) are real-life monsters. Think about it: their feely legs (far too many of them), their preference for dark, dirty places, the fact that many of them literally feed on your blood, the way their eyes are nearly always hidden from clear view, their ability to climb walls and fly and land in your hair at just the worst-possible moment…
Obviously, I have to give up my territory to the invader. There is no way I can win this battle. Every time I come into contact with it, I will stand trapped somewhere between terror and nausea, and the monster will defeat me. So I’m sending up the white flag.
I was never cut out to battle monsters.

4 responses to “Abandon ship!

  1. Move. There is no other answer. I will be shuddering for hours.

  2. Only one family can live there. Yours or the roach's. I can't stand roaches! It is nearly impossible to kill them unless you are lucky enough to swing your shoe at them at just the right time and with the right amount of force!…And when they're on the ceiling, you take the chance of them falling on you after hitting them. Eeww! But I do like that word, "scuttle". That's exactly what they do, scuttle scarily across your walls and ceilings.

  3. Kalupy and Lori, I completely agree: There Can Be Only One. 🙂

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