Polygamy with Skyrim

…a spoilerful collection of gamer nonsense, written by a happily married, arguably sane, female gamer  🙂

 

Not too long ago, I married another man while my husband cheered me on.

Afterward I slayed a dragon and sold its scales at the local general goods store, but that’s nothing special.

Let’s get this part out of the way for those of you who have come here just to get a simple breakdown.

(WARNING: there are unhidden spoilers for the game Skyrim below)

To get married in Skyrim:

  • Go to Riften.
  • Visit the Temple of Mara.
  • Find Maramal. Buy an amulet of Mara… OR
  • Do quests at the temple to get an amulet of Mara.
  • Wear the amulet, and go talk to the character you hope to marry (Same-sex marriage IS allowed, but Lydia is NOT an option).
  • If the character seems interested, follow that line of conversation.
  • Return with the character to Riften to make it official.
  • Live happily ever after.

Now, for those of you who are here for the deeply romantic story of my fictional wedding, here you go!

The Joy of Marriage in Skyrim

Part I: Fall in love… because the alpha guy with a heart – and a werewolf condition – is simply irresistible.

Part II: Decide to wed… because, really, there’s no need to bother your spouse-to-be with the details. Just let him know when you’re ready to claim him.

Part III: Travel to the slums of Riften… because, when you want to tie the knot with your lupine loveboat, nothing says “romance” quite like getting stopped by thieves and drug-addicts at every corner.

Part IV: Join the Temple of Mara… because everyone who’s just fallen in love wants to go witness for a church they’ve just heard of for the first time.

Part V: Get distracted by various Mara missions… because, like everything else in Skyrim, marriage can always wait.

Part VI: Notice the orphans… Wait. Why is that woman being so awful to them???

Part VII: Save your game… because you’re about to do something really wrong.

Part VIII: Take that horrible woman into the other room and shut the door… because the sweet little innocent children shouldn’t have to see this.

Part IX: Watch in horror as the kids come rushing in with glee… because they clearly are not the innocent sweethearts you imagined they were. They’re itty bitty demons in darling skin. Load your previous save and get out of that orphanage of evil. (NOTE: If you are interested in joining – or destroying the Dark Brotherhood, do not load your previous save. Carry on with your game from here.)

Part X: Do your part to clean up Riften… because that whole orphanage experience just made you feel dirty. Cure addicts. Encourage nice behavior. Get rid of dealers. Etc.

Part XI: Realize you’ve lost track of your original purpose in Riften. Go find Maramal… because nothing’s better than realizing the leader of the church you’ve been blindly supporting is one of those guys who goes into bars and yells at everyone there.

Part XII: Buy the amulet of Mara (if you don’t have it already)… because that’s all you really need to get a mate. Just wear a necklace that says, “On the Prowl.”

I'm available!

Part XIII: Wear the amulet… because it’s fun to see who’s interested. This is kind of like dieting and working out for a month, putting on your cutest outfit, curling your hair, and spritzing your best perfume all over your neck and wrists. Only the amulet is easier because you just equip it and move on.

Part XIV: Nearly propose to the wrong guy… because the irresistible werewolf with a heart has a twin brother.  🙂

Part XV: Approach Farkas and feel a little disappointed by his casual acceptance… because being a hot guy with a sensitive side apparently does not necessarily mean he’s also good with words.

You and me, Farkas.

Part XVI: Go back to Riften! Jitters!

Wait... is he having second thoughts?

Part XVII: Lose your husband after the ceremony… um, what?

Part XVIII: Reload and do the wedding four more times before Farkas will actually stay in the temple to discuss living arrangements.

It'll be a great day if you stick around this time...

Part XIX: Decide to live in your own house… because nothing’s better than home-cooked meals and a successful store that your husband decides to run while you’re out hunting dragons.

Part XX: Lose Lydia… because apparently she does not like this new union.

Part XXI: Live happily ever after – and welcome Lydia back with all of your loot a week later.

Whatever. Elves are tall. We were on the stairs.

Ah… sweet romance.

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One response to “Polygamy with Skyrim

  1. Pingback: Irene L. Pynn’s The Princess and Her PS3: Zombies, Run! |

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